I’m publishing this post a week late, I know. But that’s all the more fitting, considering the contents of this post.
This past year wasn’t easy for any of us and I’m no exception. The latest T-SQL Tuesday, on the one hand, couldn’t have been about a better topic considering the timing, but on the other hand it comes at the worst possible time for me.
You see, I have two little kids: two and a half year old, and a four and a half year old. They’re adorable and hilarious, but they also never give me a break. These are challenging years, even without a pandemic…
I got used to feeling tired all the time. I have to fall asleep as early as possible right after my kids do, just to keep my sanity when they wake me up early the next morning (that’s on the good days, when I’m not woken up in the middle of the night as well). It even got to a point where I feel that I can only “rest” when I’m working.
The pandemic made everything even worse. Now that we’re all working from home, this means that, at best, I have about half a day of quiet at home before I have to take my kids from the kindergarten. After which point I have to be working with a constant background noise, rugrats climbing on my face, and other distractions, even with my wife helping out.
Other days, during any of the frequent city-wide quarantines we’re forced into, the noise and distractions are happening throughout the whole day. Occasionally there’s a day with a couple of hours of break when they feel kind enough to take a nap both at the same time.
This is also why the frequency of my blog posts has reduced. It’s not like I don’t have what to write about. On the contrary, I have a huge backlog of ideas. It’s just that I can’t seem to find the time to do the writing.
How could I ever hope to take any kind of real break like this?
I mean, sure, we could do some kids-friendly activity with the whole family (when we’re not in quarantine)… But let’s be honest here: hanging out with kids this old is usually more “business” than “pleasure”. Spare me the “I just want to spend time with my kids” cliché. We all know how not-relaxing this is.
If this was any other time, I would’ve written about my love for computer games as a means to take a break and relax. After all, I’ve been an avid gamer since my early teenage years. I could talk all day about the Doom, Half-Life, X-Com, Assassin’s Creed, or Civilization games. But due to the current state of our lives, I could only be talking about it in the nostalgic, dreamful sense.
Nowadays, I couldn’t dare to indulge myself anymore. Otherwise, it would be with the cost of my easily-impressionable kids going crazy, screaming at me to play that game with the blood and people killing each other again (and then re-enact on each other what they’ve seen)… Or it would be at the cost of sleep, and in turn, my health and sanity. Trust me, I already tried it all, and I regret that I did.
I could also talk about other activities that I used for enjoyment a long time ago, such as hanging out with my friends, watching a movie, creating a game or two in
Macromedia Adobe Flash, or practice some Krav Maga… But that’s all long gone now. I no longer have the time or energy for any of that.
The best I could do now is listen to good music while I work, watch an occasional short flick on YouTube (as long as the kids don’t notice), and hold out until this blows over, wait another half a decade at least until I can freely share my enthusiasm with my kids, and just hope that my sanity remains intact until then.
For now, my work with SQL server and the Microsoft data platform is the only “break” that I can take… And well, yeah… the occasional laughter and warm hug from my kids.
I’m going to bed now.